I'm Not Your Damn Love Interest: Writing Healthy Romantic Relationships

I hate the term "love interest". Whether it's applied to a male or a female character, it is shallow and demeaning. It implies that this character is less than human, that his or her existence is defined purely by how well they fulfill the main character's needs and desires. Would you really want to be with someone who treated you like that? Sounds more than a little like slavery, doesn't it? But in fiction it's somehow supposed to come off as sweet and romantic. 

As you can tell, I feel very strongly about this. I believe that writers have tremendous power over how their readers view the world, even on a subconscious level, and we have a responsibility to use that power to promote healthy messages. So I've come up with some tips for writing healthy romances. 

1) Create The Lovers Separately

Eowyn and Faramir only meet in the last hundred pages of the third book, but before that they each play a fundamental role in the defeat of Mordor. 

Don't worry about who's going to end up with whom. Start by creating individual characters, and let them decide who they're going to fall in love with. This not only creates more multi-dimensional characters, it also creates deeper relationships. It can be difficult to relinquish control of your characters' feelings, but your story will be better for it.

2) Imagine a Story About Just One of Them

If the loss of her lover leaves your heroine catatonic until a new love interest shows up, she doesn't really deserve to be called a heroine.

It won't necessarily be a happy story. That's not important. The important question is, would it be interesting? Or would it bore you to death? If the answer is option b, you're in trouble. One or both of your characters is completely defined by the romance. Take that away, and their life is over. If you find yourself in this trap, go back to the drawing board. Give the undeveloped character something more to live for - a career, a family, other friends, a personality. 

3) Show, Don't Tell

 

This is actually a good thing to remember when having relationships as well as writing about them. I met my husband at a party. We talked, we danced, we exchanged phone numbers. But that's not how I fell in love with him. That happened about a month later when my car broke down in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. I called him, and he came and got me, no questions asked. Poetic declarations of love are very nice, but actions really do speak louder than words. Have your characters express their love for each other in real and meaningful ways. 

Agree? Disagree? Have other suggestions? Leave a comment below.